I really don't know what I should do as a person. No matter as student individual, as a daughter individual, or as a girlfriend individual. Relationships are more heartbreaking than being in love. That was why I was so afraid of getting into a relationship. I know you won't like her.. But.. You two look so compatible in terms of everything. Studying... Hobby.. I don't know if you even chosen the correct one as your girlfriend. Am. I. Good. Enough. For. You? Am I the one for you? I don't know if I should be thinking this, and If you know this is what I am thinking, you will probably be talking some sense out of me again. It's not that I dont listen, I think so little of myself that I am so afraid of losing you. I really want to have a future with you. But I am scared that I am pressing you too much till the point you can't breathe. So.. Right now, I am releasing. I am trying to let go of the control and the demand I want from you. "I must try to be understanding," but sometimes I cannot take it when you don't reply my SMS. So.. That was how my ex felt when I didn't reply.. Karma?

I wonder if it's all my fault when my ex all left me. Was it really my fault? Was it because I didn't have faith in them or what so ever? Was it even.. Their fault to begin? They say there is no right or wrong in a relationship. Is that true? I wonder...

Maybe I am the one demanding much. Maybe I should not be demanding much...

Just now when Tessa talked to you, you know, I was actually processing the words on her. She was right, I am such a poor thing. But, this isn't the first time right? If you really enjoyed it, I really don't mind letting you to go and enjoy yourself. But.. I hate it that our schedule clashed so much this semester. I thought that in Bangkok, it was more than tolerated, and you keep wanting to meet me. Now I know the times in Bangkok were precious...

How much I miss your tender and caring touch, your voice.. Your everything.
I will tolerate this... I will tolerate this.. It's unbearable, but I will not show. I WILL NOT SHOW- STARTING FROM TODAY.

Will you start to know something is wrong when I start not to stick to you?

You don't even know I was sick this afternoon I guess.... How would I know if you knows anyway.
Sometimes, I really want to read your mind.

IF I SAY I MISS YOU, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?


You don't know I teared in the cafeteria because of you this afternoon don't you? 
YOU'LL NEVER KNOW. I was trying to control my tears and said it was headache... It was slight headache, but my chest was hurting more. My jealousy was extreme.