I MUST NOT MIND, I MUST NOT MIND.
so the feeling of seeing your own boyfriend getting close with a girl is this painful... So .. He must have felt the same and is not saying anything..

I'm learning something.. I must not mind.. Must not.. Mind.

On the way to meet you, and I am so excited to see you.
Don't want to say this twice, but you really could read me like a book. It's as though, nothing could escape from your eyes about me, and that's why I love you so much.

You seem to understand me..

I am scared that I might hurt you.. But when I know you won't, it make fall even deeper for you.

I feel guilty. Am i the one in wrong? I scared you're not happy, and I'm in dilemma, i really don't know who to consult, what i should, what i shouldn't do. What if you found out and you get sour about it? We were sour just now ain't it? I wonder what were you thinking? I don't want to make things worse so i didn't really show you the text messages. When you ask if he didn't reply me anymore, how i wished to tell you that actually he text me, and we had a rather 'nice' conversation...

But all i talked to him was about you. It's only you. My mind is filled with you. Do you know how much I am falling for you? Till the extent that I can't control it. Just now when I am out with you, I tried not to be so clingy, and then, you noticed it. I didn't know why I was that clingy, but.... I didn't want to let go. Because, I didn't want to lose you. At some point of time, I was really worried that if I let go, you'll never come back.

I had that fear.

IT'S DISTURBING. 
it's making me feel so wrecked up now. Is it better if I just leave things like this? I know there are people out there wanting to be with someone they like. But together with someone you like and the person likes you is easy. But in a relationship, it's difficult to actually compromise.

Dramas and movies always says some bullshit that people believe. In reality, it doesn't. I don't know how to explain to make it seems right, but reality is just that harsh. Which guy would be willing to ... go a thousand miles for you? I'm not the lucky one.

Now i'm coming to understand why my mother doesn't really approve of the same age guy with me. But still, i won't leave you. You don't seem to care anything, and I don't seem to see what you're thinking. You're been harsh to me by saying that I'm fat and stuffs and you're asking me to tank it. You said you're unique compared to all my ex.

I know that. But... it sometimes hurts to hear my boyfriend saying myself fat and saying what I'm lazy. You don't know that I'm sensitive. You told me to take it in.. I'm taking...

I don't know what i should do anymore.

I know i shouldn't be typing this here but rather talk to you but I'm really very... very .. lost now.

Tell me, what should i do?